Truly lonely….

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When was the last time you felt really, truly lonely? – I found the “Daily Prompt” from this article today and I thought, “Hey this might just help me out a little!”. So here I am typing away.

So the question When was the last time you felt really, truly lonely?, this makes me think…one can feel lonely in a crowded room and/or crowded alone with their own mind! I have felt both those things. But the question is still “When was the last time you felt really, truly lonely?”, I can tell you it’s been a long time since I truly felt lonely. It was a few days after my dad died. I was sitting there on my bed staring out the window and realized that I felt very lonely, my rock was gone. The superman I thought was always going to be there was dead.

Me & my Dad

Also most of my friends still had their fathers (at least a live if not IN their lives), they didn’t know how to react to what I was going through. My situation was different. My father had two strokes when I was 11 and I had learned to help my mother take care of him. To me he was invincible  He lived through a lot in his life, and 2 gnarly strokes couldn’t take him out!  Oh it wasn’t easy, but what it did do was get me closer to my Father on an emotional level. He became something akin to a brother in a way and a best friend. I could talk to him about anything! We would cry together about things, talk openly about our happiness and sadness.  Sure he tried like hell to hold the attitude of “I’m a man and don’t feel shit!” sometimes…but I knew how to get to the raw soul inside…and he knew how to get to mine.

So as I stared out my bedroom window the realization that my Father who had become as close to me as a soul friend could was gone…I felt truly lonely for the first time in my life, I believe I was about 23-24 years old at the time. It’s been about 10 years…the loneliness dissipates somewhat as the years go by.

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